I read this article a while back...
that said Microsoft employs more millionaire secretaries...
than any other company in the world.
They took stock options over Christmas bonuses.
It was a good move.
I remember there was this photograph of one of the groundskeepers...
next to his Ferrari.
Blew my mind.
You see shit like that, and it just plants seeds...
makes you think it's possible, even easy.
And then you turn on the TV, and there's just more of it.
The $87 million dollar lottery winner.
That kid actor that just made 20 million on his last movie.
That Internet stock that shot through the roof.
You could've made millions on it if you'd just got in early.
And that's exactly what I wanted to do... get in.
I didn't want to be an innovator. I just wanted to make the quick, easy buck.
I just wanted in.
Notorious B.I.G. said it best...
"Either you're slinging crack rock, or you got a wicked jump shot. "
Nobody wants to work for it anymore.
There's no honor in taking that after-school job at Mickey D's.
Honor's in the dollar, kid.
So I went the white-boy way of slinging crack rock.
I became a stockbroker.
- Get off! - Two hundred!
Put your money back down! Yo! Put your money back down!
So I got in at this firm, J. T. Marlin...
owned by this guy Michael Brantley...
a salesman among salesmen.
Mr. Brantley!
- Mr. Brantley! Welcome! How are you? - How you gonna handle these guys?
- They're great. - You think you can handle this or what?
- I think so. We can handle it. - You can handle it?
A double scotch on the rocks.
Holy shit, yo. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
That's the jockey from Venezuela. He's a sicko. He weighs like 48 pounds.
119, but you're close, slut.
Whatever. Give me three-to-one on that skinny little nigger.
Richie, Richie. Do me a favor, will you?
Just for, like, ten minutes. Just give it a rest.
Yo, homes, I need some "chocaine." I need some motherfuckin' nose candy.
I need some cizzi up my nizzi...
'cause I need to get high like a motherfucker.
Know what I'm sayin'? So give me some of that nose candy.
Bring that table over here.
Everybody quiet down for a second. All right. Hold on.
Thanks. I wanted to let you know those pikers at the N.A.S.D. are off our ass.
- Fuckin' retard. - Fuck you. I'm on vacation.
Bear Stearns can call the S.E.C. They can't find any dirt on us.
J.T. Marlin, once again, has unlimited trading authorization.
I told you guys. You can't keep a good man down!
We're superstars now.
J.P. Morgan just faxed over their congratulations...
and said, "Welcome to the club."
This also means those teams headed by Todd and Richie...
who were good enough to give up their rep numbers...
They can stop cold calling and start trading again.
Welcome back!
And just to show you how appreciative I am...
there's a little something extra.
Tell me about it, baby, tell me!
I want you guys to go up to suite 418.
I handpicked them myself.
We're players now, boys! Let's celebrate. Salute!
Don't touch the cards. Don't touch the cards.
- Fourteen. - Hit me.
Come on, Mike. I told you you gotta hit the table. Sixteen.
Hit me.
And bust. Sorry about that.
Fuck! Can't win a fuckin' hand tonight!
Hey, Steve? Come here for a second.
You thirsty? I don't care.
Go take my car and get Mike a Coke and a falafel. You hungry?
Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Why not?
- And dealer busts. - Yeah!
What the fuck are you so happy about?
Whoa, take it easy.
Roller coaster. Ups and downs. You know that.
All right. Place your bets.
I was living in Kew Gardens Hills, running my biz...
giving the Queens College kids something to do between classes.
- See you guys. - Fuck you.
- Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. - I was doing well.
It's strange to think how that knock changed everything.
Everything. Hey, don't get me wrong here.
No, no. I got it.
I don't believe in fate. I believe in odds.
- He's not gonna let you in. - Why not?
'Cause he doesn't know who you are. He'll think you're a cop.
So what? I got a bankroll that'll choke a hippo. Let's just see.
- Who are you? - What's up?
- It's my boy, Greg. Oh, shit! - What are you doin'? Come in.
What's goin' on? Come here, crazy. What are you doin'?
How're you doin'? Come in. Come in.
Oh, shit. Wait. Is that your new ride?
- Him. - Nice.
- Hi. Seth. - Hey. Greg.
Nice to meet you.
- We thought we were done for the night. - Too late to get a couple hands in?
No, no, no. 24-7.
Hey, Steve, could you get us a couple of sandwiches?
- All right. Give me 400. - Wait. What about the betting?
- What were you thinking? - Five hundred, max?
We don't usually service that level of action...
but I hate to turn away a new customer.
We might not have enough cash to settle you at the end of the night.
That's okay. You can just pay me tomorrow.
All right. How much you want?
- Five dimes. - Jeff.
You had to do it, didn't you?
You make me look like I'm at the kiddie table.
- If the shoe fits, kid. Come on. - Fuckin' rich man.
- What denomination? - What denomination?
How about three Puerto Ricans, two Chinks and a Guinea?
I don't care. Mix it up. Whatever you want.
What about a Swahili? Jesus.
I don't know what that is either. You're starting to upset me.
You got your own chips, huh, with your name on them?
This is no joke.
We used to use the Bicycle poker chips...
and then some kid started sneaking in additional funds.
- Who's that? Moyshe? - No, no. Some kid up the block.
Fuckin' Moyshe.
- So that's a nice car you have there. - Thanks. A Ferrari.
Yeah. It's a 355, six-speed transmission, right?
Yeah. It's a synchromesh. I love it. Nice.
Yo, shit is yellow, B. Rizzy's the color, nugga.
Yellow's filthy. Come on.
It's Big Bird mode.
All right. Place your bets.
- Hey. - You are late.
- I know. I'm sorry. - Your father is really upset.
- He won't even tell me what it is. - Jesus.
- Hey. - What's up, Seth?
- How you doin'? How's school? - It's all right.
That's a good question, Seth. You wanna tell us what happened?
- We didn't know if you were comin'. - Oh, yeah. Traffic was crazy.
So?
Do you wanna wait till after dinner to talk about it?
Yeah, let's eat first.
- Answer the question, Seth. - I dropped out.
You wanna tell us why?
Well, I gave it a year, Dad, and it's just not for me.
I see. So that means you've been lying to us for six months.
Six months, Seth.
"School's fine, Dad. My grades are good, Dad."
Let's just leave that for a second. So you dropped out.
That means you haven't been getting your student loan checks, right?
Is that right? How are you making the rent every month, Seth?
I'm running a business, and I'm just earning a living.
Earning a living? This what you call earning a living?
- Marty, are those drugs? - Yes.
- Yes, those are drugs? - No, Mom. This is an honest living.
And you can ask any one of my customers.
What do you mean, "customers"? Where's the customers?
They're children of people in this community.
How do you think I got these? Anyway, it's illegal.
You're running a backdoor card game! How do you think this reflects on me?
I'm a judge, for Christ's sake!
Are you listening to me?
I'm gonna be honest with you. You're runnin'a good business.
I think you're a smart kid, pullin' in some real cash.
But I gotta tell you, man, this is risky fuckin' business.
I mean, you really honestly plan on dealing cards to college kids...
when you're fuckin' 35?
You don't think you'll get pinched in the next couple years?
Maybe it's time to start thinkin' about down-the-line time.
So, you want me to come work for you?
What? I guess it'll be like retribution for me taking all your money here?
First of all, I am not done with you here, all right?
And, no, you're only gonna work for me a short time.
You pass the Series Seven.
You learn the ropes. You're on your own.
Yeah, ask Adam, man. He'll tell you.
- It's good. - It's good?
- Yeah. - I'm gonna be blunt.
We're talkin' about millions of dollars.
I was making good money with the casino...
but these guys were macking it hard.
That's the level I wanted to be operating on.
So I drove out to Long Island, way out.
The office was a good hour away from Wall Street.
Somebody forgot to tell the guys who worked there, though.
They looked and acted...
like they took the Six train to Fulton Street every morning.
But it wasn't Wall Street.
It was exit 53 on the Long Island Expressway...
a good hour from the New York Stock Exchange.
No, no, no, no. You don't wanna act now. This stock is going to turn.
I'm invested very heavily myself. We just stay put.
I don't know if you've ever had the opportunity to purchase I.P.O. before...
but we have this company that's going to market in about a week or so.
We're gonna have to move on this now. This is gonna happen next week.
We don't wanna marry this stock. We're in; we're out.
What do you mean, you don't buy stock over the phone? How do you do it?
Smoke signals? Telepathy? World leaders solve problems over the phone.
I'm not a Charles Schwab. I don't need your business; I value it.
I'm successful to the point where I don't need to chase your business.
Hey, kid, get the fuck outta here!
Over here.
- Have they started interviewing yet? - No.
- Know how long it's gonna be? - You'll all be going in together.
But I thought this was, like, an interview?
It is. It's a group interview. You'll see.
No, man. You're a male.
Group interview, my ass.
It was like a Hitler Youth rally, in retrospect.
The guy who pitched us, Jim Young, was the head recruiter there.
- Okay, guys. Let's go. - Between him and Michael, honestly...
they could sell bubble gum in the lockjaw ward at Bellevue.
I'm sorry, man. This is my seat.
- Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. - It's okay. Don't worry about it.
- Fuckin' dumb-ass. - Get the fuck outta here.
- What? - Don't talk to me. Don't look at me.
Just get your ass out of that Italian leather chair and get the fuck out.
Right now. Come on. Let's go, schlepp rock.
Out.
Sit down.
We expect everyone here to treat their coworkers...
with a certain level of respect.
Before we start, I have one question. Has anyone passed a Series Seven exam?
- I have a Series Seven license. - Good for you. You can get out too.
What? Why?
We don't hire brokers here. We train new ones.
That's it, Skippy. Pack your shit. Let's go.
Okay. Here's the deal.
I'm not here to waste your time. I hope you're not here to waste mine.
So I'm gonna keep this short.
If you become an employee of this firm...
you will make your first million within three years.
Okay? I repeat that:
You will make a million dollars within three years...
of your first day of employment at J.T. Marlin.
There is no question whether or not you'll become a millionaire here.
The only question is how many times over.
You think I'm joking? I am not joking.
I am a millionaire. It's a weird thing to hear, right?
I'll tell ya. It's a weird thing to say.
I am a fucking millionaire.
And guess how old I am. Twenty-seven.
You know what that makes me here? A fuckin' senior citizen.
This firm is entirely comprised of people your age, not mine.
Lucky for me, I'm very fucking good at my job, or I'd be out of one.
You guys are the new blood. You're gonna go home with the kessef.
You are the future big swinging dicks of this firm.
Now, you all look money hungry, and that's good.
Anybody tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fuckin' have any.
They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fuckin' smile on my face.
Ear to ear, baby. You want details? Fine.
I drive a Ferrari 355 Cabriolet.
What's up? I have a ridiculous house in the South Fork.
I have every toy you could imagine, and best of all, kids...
I am liquid.
So, now you know what's possible. Let me tell you what's required.
You are required to work your fucking ass off at this firm.
We want winners here, not pikers. A piker walks at the bell.
A piker asks how much vacation you get in the first year. Vacation?
People come and work at this firm for one reason: to become filthy rich.
We're not here to make friends. We're not savin' the manatees, guys.
You want vacation time? Go teach third grade, public school.
Okay. The first three months at the firm are as a trainee.
You make $150 a week.
After you're done training, you take the Series Seven.
Pass that, you become junior broker...
and you open accounts for your team leader.
You open 40 accounts, you start workin' for yourself. Sky's the limit.
Word about being a trainee.
Friends, parents, other brokers, they're gonna give you shit.
It's true. $150 a week? Not a lot of money.
Pay them no mind.
You need to learn this business, and this is the time to do it.
Once you pass the test, none of that's gonna matter.
Your friends are shit.
Tell them you made 25 grand last month, they're won't fucking believe you.
Fuck them! Fuck 'em!
Parents don't like the life you lead? "Fuck you, Mom and Dad."
See how it feels when you're makin' their fuckin' Lexus payments.
Now, go home and think about it. Think about whether it's really for you.
If you decide it isn't... It's nothing to be embarrassed about.
It's not for everyone. Thanks.
But if you really want this...
you call me on Monday and we'll talk.
Just don't waste my fuckin' time.
Okay. That's it.
- Hi. - Hi.
So, what's up?
- How you doin'? - I'm fine, Seth. What's on your mind?
I feel bad about the way things went at the house last week.
I just don't feel like we get anywhere when we talk at home.
Well, I don't know that there's anything to talk about.
- Can I get you anything to drink? - No. I'm fine, thanks.
You dropped out of school, Seth.
You're running an illegal casino out of your apartment.
You're putting my career at risk. What is there to talk about, Seth?
Well, I don't know why we can't just discuss this. I mean...
Maybe you're just not seeing my side.
Your side? What side? You're doing wrong.
I'm not your best friend. That's your mother's racket.
I'm your father. I tell you when you screw up.
What did you think I was gonna do? Pat you on the back for the casino idea?
Tell you what a great entrepreneur you are?
So what do you want me to do, Seth?
I mean, my God, if I'd called my father to meet me for a cup of coffee...
to talk about my screwups, he probably would've laughed.
We didn't have nice little chats about why I was a bad boy.
I got smacked.
And I didn't do it again. Much simpler.
Look. I'm just trying to restore what's left of our relationship.
"Relationship"?
What the fuck are you talking about, relationship?
What? Are we dating?
I'm not your girlfriend Seth; I'm your father.
Clean up your life, make an honest living...
and then you and I can talk like normal people, all right?
- Hey, Seth. - Hi. How you doin'?
- Abby. - Oh, yeah. I know. I forgot.
It's okay. I never told you.
Besides, the other day you looked a little frazzled...
so I didn't think you'd remember anyway.
- Today's my first day. - No shit?
Yeah.
- See ya. - See ya.
No, that's not how it works.
If I was asking you to own 5,000 or 10,000 shares...
of some pink-sheet, bullshit company with negative earnings...
I'd tell you to hang up the phone...
call your local broker and short the stock.
I wouldn't expect your business. But, Don, I am bringing you...
Seth. Seth. Come over here. It's not your table.
...F.D.A. landmark approval. It's, like, the cancer pill.
No. It's a cancer pill. No, Don, it's not Propecia P.
It is the cancer pill. Oh, Donald, please take a chance.
You look pretty.
Thank you.
So you wanna tell me where the fuck you were last night?
- Not particularly. - Okay.
This is for you.
I don't know how to better explain this to you, but...
it's over.
Okay. I disagree.
- Hang on a second. - Here you go.
- What's up? Is he in? - I don't know.
Hey. These are the D&B cards. These are our leads.
- Morning. - Every card is an opportunity, right?
These are good leads. People on these cards buy stock.
Your job is to call them and get them interested in the firm.
You're not actually selling stock yet, but you're selling the dream.
So get 'em wet. Tell 'em that in a month from now...
a senior broker's gonna call them back with an idea.
So who are these people?
Average client's 45 years old, from the Midwest...
$150,000 annual income, 1 million net, has a local broker...
but loves a hotshot New Yorker who sounds good on the phone.
So the card won't tell you that. It only has name, address and occupation.
So you gotta feel 'em out, see?
"Peter Davis, Vice President, Parks Telecommunications."
The guy's probably a fuckin' whale.
So feel 'im out, see what he's got. Truth is, it doesn't matter these days.
With the Dow where it is now, everybody wants a piece of the market.
I can close anyone anytime anywhere. Just give me a phone number.
- Greg, I have John Duncklee on three. - Not now. I'll call him back.
Now, once you qualify the guy, you send him a press packet.
It'll be easy, and it'll get you comfortable on the phone, which is key.
This entire business revolves around the phone. Play the numbers.
This is a contact sport. The more people you contact, the better you'll do.
- A good broker makes 700 calls a day. - What's the phone bill like?
This month was approaching 400,000.
Listen to me. Even though you're not selling stock yet...
I want you to remember the code we have here, okay?
- Did you see Glengarry Glen Ross? - Yeah.
- Do you remember "ABC"? - Yeah. "Always be closing."
That's right. "Always be closing." "Telling's not selling."
That's the attitude you wanna have. There's two rules as a trainee.
Number one: We don't pitch the bitch here.
What?
We don't sell stock to women. I don't care who it is; we don't do it.
Nancy Sinatra calls, you tell her you're sorry.
They're a constant pain in the ass...
and you're never gonna hear the end of it.
They'll call you every fucking day wanting to know why the stock dropped.
And God forbid the stock should go up.
You're gonna hear from them every 15 minutes.
It's just not worth it. Don't pitch the bitch.
Number two: Don't write wood, all right?
A lot of trainees are so anxious to get off the phone...
that they just steamroll the guy into getting the press packet...
so they can hang up.
Then I call back, and I'm, like...
"Hi. You spoke to a junior associate of mine last month."
And he's like, "Not interested. Bye." That's a shitty lead, okay?
That's fucking wood. The info we send is bullshit, all right?
The most important part is telling them you have that one great idea...
and that a senior broker's gonna call them back in a month.
This way they don't think we just fire off a million recos a day.
We don't want clients thinkin'...
you're pitching something you read in the Journal, right?
- Yeah. Right. - Okay, so no wood.
- I'm serious. No wood. - All right. Take it easy.
Hey, don't even start that fuckin' shit with me, okay?
I'm tryin' to tell you what's expected of you and what your job is.
I'm tryin' to make the job easier, okay? Don't give me any fuckin' lip.
Okay. Okay, so, fine.
What happens if the guy wants to buy stock right then?
Now you're talkin'. You wanna go into every call expecting just that.
If somebody wants a recommendation, put the guy on hold...
stand up and yell "reco" at the top of your lungs.
First senior broker who gets on the horn gets the sale.
- Sound good? - Yeah.
Okay. That suit's dog shit. Get a new suit.
No, Ma. I told you. No, I'm not a broker yet.
I'm a trainee. I still have to pass my Series Seven test.
Please. You're a stockbroker.
You wear a suit to work every day, don't you?
- Yeah. - So, what are we arguing about?
- Thanks, Ma. - You're doing great, Seth.
You're working your way up from the bottom. Never easy.
What did Dad say about it?
He's very happy. Shocked, but very happy.
- He's waiting for you to call him. - Why doesn't he call me?
- One miracle at a time, okay, sweetie? - All right.
- Mom? - I'm in bed.
- How you doin'? - Hi, baby. How was work?
I know you're not at home with a bag of cash, waiting for me to call you.
But I'm not some 18-year old selling the cure for Al DS. I am 46 years old.
I have 22 years of market experience. I know this business.
So pick up your skirt, grab your balls and let's make some money.
Here you go, Greg.
I hope this is better than the last batch of shit you gave me.
- Produced more wood than Ron Jeremy. - What?
I don't want you to yell "reco" anymore. Know what you should yell? "Timber!"
Yeah. Mr. Fuckin' Wood. I hear you fuckin' makin' your calls.
It's bullshit, all right?
If you want them off the phone so bad, why don't you just hang up?
You should get them excited. You know, excited?
They should beg for a broker on the first call. Shit.
Yeah. Howard Young, please. Seth Davis over at J.T. Marlin.
- No, he's not expecting my call. - No. Tsk.
- Okay. Yeah. I'll call you. - Good-bye. Good-bye.
Hang up the phone.
Thank you. That's nice for you to do that for me.
First of all, there's gonna be a lot of these regardless of how good you are...
but you happen to suck big, fat-ass rhinoceros dick.
Well, thank you. That's confidence-inspiring.
I got this friend who runs this other firm, right?
He hands out this book to new trainees.
It's called a rebuttal book. It looks like a little Filofax.
It's got these index tabs, but instead of having letters...
like "A" to "B," "G" to "H," it has different things like...
"My wife won't let me"...
or "I'm not in the market now" or "Send me a prospectus."
It has a rebuttal for any excuse.
Anyway, that's stuff you'll have to learn later.
The most important thing you gotta know right now...
is that you can be whoever you wanna be on the phone.
You know what I'm sayin'? Who cares? Do what you gotta do.
Change your last name. Say you're the fuckin' vice president.
You know? Who cares? Just get the cocksucker on the line.
Yeah, but how can I do shit like that? Isn't there a compliance officer here?
No. No, man. Everybody does that shit. Are you kidding?
I mean, even on Wall Street.
You talking about John there? That guy works for us.
The guy's a fuckin' chimp. Look at him. The only compliance work...
he's doin' is makin' sure my lunch is still hot when it gets here.
He's only here because the S.E.C. requires it. Easiest job in the world.
Look. I think he's actually masturbating right now.
- Stay the fuck away from her. - Yeah.
Holy shit, you slut. You made the call.
No, no. Don't you dare. Get your filthy one-race paws off my money.
What'd you bet me? A month's commission?
- Yeah, and yours too, kid. - How do you get away with this?
'Cause I'm a Jew, and I have the mind of a champion.
See this?
Here, kid. Go get a tan and some Rogaine.
- Watch out for this. - Fuckin' A.
The only bookie in New York that delivers FedEx.
When are you gonna take the test, Seth?
Well, you know, after the training program's over.
They want you to get a good idea of how things work there...
before you take the Series Seven, but it's a great system.
- I'm really learning a lot. - Are you gonna be rich, Seth?
- Oh, God willing. - I hope so.
How come I've never heard of this firm?
I don't know.
It's a smaller firm, I guess.
There's a million others like it you probably never heard of.
The reason I ask is 'cause I would've thought that you would've...
joined a firm like Goldman Sachs or something of that stature.
- Marty, what are you starting for? - What?
No, no. Ma, it's okay. The reason is, Dad...
that the larger houses don't really like to hire kids straight out of college...
you know, unless you went to an Ivy League school...
or you wanna do cash-flow analysis for the next 15 years.
They usually like you to work...
outside their firm for a few years to get a good sense of the marketplace.
But most all brokers usually start out in little firms like J.T. Marlin.
That's great. See? He answered the question. That was easy.
So all you have to do is close the casino, right?
Marty, we talked about this.
- What are you giving me looks for? - Didn't we talk about this?
- What? I just... - It was a celebration.
You know what? I gotta go meet somebody.
I love you, Ma.
See ya. See ya later.
Nice job, Marty.
Originally, I got in for the cash. But getting my dad's respect...
That's what kept me there.
So he took some parting shots from time to time. Whatever. I didn't care.
Not really.
Anyway, the point is, I had to adapt to this new world.
I didn't really know these guys.
What I did know is that they had all the money in the world...
and not a clue what to do with it.
Seth, what's up, man?
- Wait outside. - Hey, man.
Thought you weren't gonna make it, man. Sit down. Grab a slice. Have a beer.
What's up?
You think he fucked Hannah or Sheen fucked her?
- Both of 'em. - Did he just move in?
- He's been here eight months. - Life all comes down to a few moments.
"This is one of 'em." Sheen was kind of a pimp.
Shut up, man. Listen. Gecko's coming on. "What the hell's goin' on?"
I'm lookin' at 200,000 shares moved. I wanna know if we're part of it.
We'd better be, or I'm gonna come down and eat your lunch. Back in two, Alex.
Look. I loved it at forty. Fifty? It's an insult.
Their analysts? They don't know a preferred stock from livestock.
They wait till it goes down, and like gumdrops and sperm counts...
This is the kid. Calls me 59 days in a row. Wants to be a player.
Oughta be a picture of you in the dictionary under "persistent," kid.
Yeah? Now, listen, Jerry, I'm looking for negative control.
No more than 30, 35 percent.
Just enough to block anybody else's merger plans...
and find out from the inside if the books are cooked.
Looks this good on paper, we're in the kill zone, pal. Lock and load.
Lunch? You gotta be kidding. Lunch is for wimps.
Okay, Fidel, I'll talk at you.
Very good.
How do you do, Mr. Gekko? Bud Fox.
So you say, "Nice to meet you." Hope you're intelligent.
Where'd you get these?
- I got a connection at the airport. - Nice job, Mr. Clean.
Hey. Get the fuck off me.
- I'm really busy, Seth. - No. Look, I understand, Doctor.
I'm really busy here myself.
We're gonna come back to you in one month with one idea only.
If you like what we have to say, great. We'll do business. If not...
I mean, worst-case scenario, you'll hear yourself a new business idea...
- That X ray is useless. - We'll part as friends, right?
What?
Are you working with a million dollars in the market now?
Who is this?
You're a doctor. Have you heard of a drug called Phenodryl?
It's being manufactured by M.S.C. Pharmaceuticals.
No.
Well, listen, okay? It's in the third stage of F.D.A. approval.
Word is it's gonna be approved within the next three months...
and it could be tomorrow for all I know.
But, you know, I'm getting ahead of myself...
and you're real busy over there...
so why don't I just send you out the information...
Wait, wait, wait. Forget the info.
Let's talk about this now.
What was the name of that drug again?
Could you hold on for one second?
I'm gonna get...
a senior broker who's a little more familiar with that particular stock.
All right? Hold on a second. One second.
Reco!
- Got it. - Sorry.
His name's Dr. Jacobs, and I'd say that he's definitely...
- Whoa. I don't wanna hear it, kid. - Okay.
Hi, Dr. Jacobs? This is Chris Marlin at J.T. Marlin.
- Marlin? - Right. He's my father.
My associate tells me you're interested in one of our stocks.
Your wife's on three. I will call her back.
Yes. M.S.C. sounds like it might be interesting.
Might be?
"Might be" doesn't sell stock at the rate M.S.C.'s going for it, Dr. Jacobs.
- We're talking very high volume. - I still have to run it by my people.
That's great, Doc, if you wanna miss yet another opportunity here...
and watch your colleagues get rich doing clinical trials.
- Don't buy a share and hang up. - Hold on a second.
- I just want to talk about it more. - Honestly, I don't have the time.
This stock is blowing up right now. The whole firm's going nuts.
Hold on. Let me open up the door to my office.
Oh, my God!
See that, Doc? That's my trading floor.
I have calls to make to a million other doctors who are already in the know.
I can't walk you through this right now. I'm sorry.
Okay, okay. Let's do this.
Since you're a new account, I can't go higher than 2,000 shares. I'm sorry.
2,000? Are you nuts? That is way beyond what I was thinking. 2,000?
Jesus!
Listen. I'm curious. Why can't you sell me any more than that?
Well, we like to establish a relationship with our clients...
on something small before we get to the more serious trades.
Let me show you several percentage points on this small trade...
and then we'll talk about doing future business.
That sounds good. Give me the 2,000 shares.
- Done. - You sure you can't do better on this?
- I'm sorry, Dr. Jacobs. I can't. - All right.
- We'll start with this trade, then. - Great. I promise...
we'll swing for the fences on the next one.
Do you want that confirmation sent to your office or your mansion?
Very funny, Mr. Marlin.
Let me put my secretary on, and she'll take down your info.
It was a pleasure doing business with you.
Done and done.
Yeah, baby!
- So, why'd you put a max on his buy? - What?
Why'd you put a max on his buy?
You didn't tell him how it works?
He's a trainee. He doesn't need to know initial sell limits.
Make sure he shows you the ropes, kid. He's too busy callin' his bookie.
Fuckin' Hebrews. Always lookin' out for themselves and never the trainees.
- Hey, hey. - Why don't you go back to Little Italy?
Go make me a latke, dreidel boy. Abrams, look me up on the board.
The reason I capped him is in case he's a piker.
See, we're gonna front the money for this sale...
and if he doesn't send the check, I'm the one holding the bag, follow me?
Right.
Last commission month, the kid on Jim's team wrote a million-dollar ticket.
Stock was down 31/2 points by settlement.
Fuckin' kid took a 1/4 million-dollar hit.
- Shit. - You know how much that hurts?
Besides, the first sell just whets the appetite.
If he's a whale... which it looks like he is...
then I'll get him on a day when there's a real rip.
What's a rip?
A commission. That's why we work here.
We make huge rips.
No, I don't... I still don't know how it works.
Okay.
A two-dollar rip, which is unheard of anywhere on Wall Street...
means that we're walkin' away...
with two dollars for every share we sell.
Real money. That's opportunity.
Jesus, Greg, you show him where the bathroom is yet?
Yeah, Seth, I showed you where Chris's desk is, right?
- Richie, do something with this... - How does Michael afford that?
- Couldn't tell you. - Okay.
If he's doin' it, he's makin' money on it. Point is:
Service your client right, and he'll be back for more.
Show him a three-percent return...
and he'll trust you to watch his kids for the weekend.
- Abby. - Hey, Seth.
- Hi. - You wanna go get yourself a drink?
Yeah. You want anything?
Oh. Okay.
I thought this was supposed to be a big broker hangout.
Merrill Lynch. Salomon Brothers. Mad, big-dick Steve. What is this place?
This looks like the fucking Christmas party at Mutual of Omaha.
Yo, check this out. Joe.
Oh, my God. Would you look at these monkeys?
So, who do you live with?
You mean, is the little black girl here takin' care of her grandma...
'cause her mama's a crackhead?
Yeah, exactly. I thought it was smack, though.
Right.
Boy, you gotta get ahold of that edge. It's kinda sharp.
I know. It's just that I get so much shit at J. T...
that sometimes I have to get in that mode just to...
fend them off of me, you know?
Yeah, I was gonna ask you why are you there...
because it doesn't seem like the ideal working environment for a black woman.
No, it isn't. It's just that...
how many secretaries do you know that make 80 grand a year?
- One. - Exactly.
- "No, no, no. I gotta call the boss." - Look at this guy. Check it.
No way. Vito Corleone.
You don't come all my life...
and then you show up at my daughter's confirmation.
"Are you standin' up or sittin' down?" By that time l...
- How you doin'? - What's up?
- You guys lookin' for a broker? - Who the fuck are you?
- Easy. - I'm not doin' anything.
I thought maybe you were lookin' for somebody to invest with.
- No. Yeah, we're fine. We are brokers. - You are?
- Yeah. - You guys with Jacoby & Jacoby?
- J.T. Marlin. - Never heard of it.
Hold on a second. Who are you? What do you sell? Car insurance?
We're with this little firm downtown. Maybe you've heard of us.J.P. Morgan?
- And I'm a black Negro. - Right.
I know J.T. It's a fuckin' chop shop. They named it so it sounds like ours.
He knows that firm. It's a fuckin' chop shop.
They named the firm to sound like his. What is he, fucking Yogi Biz?
- Shut the fuck up. - We're not buying it.
And what the fuck is with the suits? You look like you're on Gotti's crew.
- You look great. Seriously. - Do you know who you're talkin' to?
- Who are we talkin' to? - You don't know?
Here's Vito and John Jr.
I don't wanna get involved in this. We're not bothering you.
We're not. Patrick, call out the police. Come on!
It's my dad that's the mess...
but that's not really interesting conversation.
What about you?
Single mother. No money. And now I take care of her.
- What's wrong? - She's got chronic pneumonia.
You know, she smoked for, like, 15 years, and now she's really sick.
And it's...
She's just really happy that I have this job so I can support both of us.
- But it's scary sometimes, you know? - Yeah.
What about your father?
I don't wanna talk about my father either.
Ready?
- Tell me a story. - What do you wanna hear?
I don't know. Tell me... Tell me a story about your dad.
Well, I have so many great ones.
Go on. Tell me.
All right.
Well, I'm ten years old...
and I just got this new bike.
It's a silver Mongoose, you know, like BMX.
And I'm skidding out in this puddle like Starsky and Hutch.
- Right. - And my foot slips...
and the pedal spins around hard enough to break my leg.
- Oh, my God. - But I don't fall off the bike.
- I keep going down this hill. - And I get really scared, you know?
So I jumped off the bike...
and I landed behind this parked car.
And I was laying there for a good half hour.
And finally...
I hear my father's voice up the street, and he's calling my name.
And I was so happy...
that he was coming to get me.
And he comes around the car, and he sees me lying there.
I mean, there was... there was blood everywhere.
Anyway, I look up at him...
and for the first time in my life, I see how much my father loved me.
- 'Cause he was completely frozen. - Wow.
You know, it hurt him to see me in that much pain.
So he leans down over me...
and he slaps me across the face.
What? Why?
I don't know.
Maybe he was mad at me for making him feel that helpless...
or it was the only thing he could think of.
I don't really care anymore.
What I think of now is the look on his face when he saw me lying there.
And that's what I remember.
That's what I miss.
There's your story.
Sorry.
All right. I wanna talk to you guys about appearance.
Okay? Because most of you dress like shit.
I don't know what your financial situation is...
and I don't want to, but you gotta get yourself at least one decent suit...
because we have a minimum level of aesthetic professionalism here...
that we have to maintain.
In three months, you can outfit your whole closet...
but for now get something to hold you over.
There's an important phrase we use here.
I think it's time you all learned it.
"Act as if."
Do you understand what that means?
Act as if you are the president of this firm.
Act as if you got a nine-inch cock. Act as if.
And to do that properly, you need to at least look the part.
So go get dressed. Secondly, it's time to get your Series Seven books.
Don't get nervous. If you study, you'll pass.
Then you begin trading as an S.E.C. -licensed broker.
Then you're a fucking millionaire, and it's just that simple.
I need 300 bucks from each of you for the books...
which will be returned if and when you pass the exam.
And I need that tomorrow. That is all.
What are you? Last night's erection?
Yeah, well, you know...
What's goin' on? We're movin' to the big house, kids.
Isaac here just closed a guy for 30,000 shares of Farrow Tech.
We're on the big board. We're in there now?
- Who's out? - Todd and company. Come on. Let's go.
If you couldn't pull $3,000 together, your name wouldn't be on my desk.
You're embarrassing me. I'm pitching you from under my desk. I'm embarrassed now.
Bob. Bob, be rude. Hang up the phone.
You won't. You wanna know why?
Because you see value. I am your kids' college fund, for chrissakes.
I'm gonna pass. The only people making money passing are N.F.L. quarterbacks.
- And I don't see a number on your back. - Take me off your list.
Fine, fine. I'm gonna take you off my list of successful people.
Hello?
Hi, Mr. "Dahvis," this is Ron from the Daily News.
- How you doin'? - It's Davis, and I'm not interested.
- Sorry to bother you. Have a nice day. - Wait a minute.
Wait. That's your pitch? You consider that a sales call?
You know, I get a call from you guys every Saturday...
and it's always the same half-assed attempt.
If you guys wanna close me, you should sell me.
- All right. - All right. Start again.
Okay. Hi, this is Ron from the Daily News.
- How you doin' this morning? - Shitty. What do you want?
It's not what I want, sir. It's what you want.
Ron, now we're talkin'. All right. What are you selling me?
I'm offering a Daily News subscription at a substantially reduced price.
We're trying to reach out to people that never had home delivery before.
So everybody who already has a subscription is getting fucked?
- Yeah. I guess so. - All right. I can handle that.
So, why should I buy your paper? I mean, you know...
Why shouldn't I get the Times or the Voice, you know?
The Village Voice is free, sir, so if you want it, you should pick it up.
But the Daily News offers you something no other paper can... a taste of New York.
We have the best features, more photos than any other daily in New York...
and we have the most reliable delivery in the city.
Now what do you think?
You know what I think, Ron? I think that was a sales call.
Good job, buddy.
So you gonna buy a subscription?
No. I already get the Times.
Booked. Booked. I got a hundred against.
Booked. Someone cover Greg. Cover Greg.
I hope you guys aren't fightin' over it. Here. Good money against Greg's roll.
- Put it there. - Two hundred?
- What is that? - Nothing.
Damn. Who you gotta ass-fuck to get a ten around here?
- There's a leprechaun in stall four. - Whatever.
Hey, Seth, I'm gonna get some reserves. You wanna come with me?
- Yeah. - You guys want a shot?
Roll a seven, baby. Let's go.
Quit starin' and just apologize.
Hey, he doesn't have to say shit, all right?
Why don't you go back to your Heineken and shut the fuck up, okay?
Was I talkin' to you?
No, you weren't. You were talkin' to him.
If you're talkin' to him, you're talkin' to me and my whole fuckin' crew, okay?
Get the fuck outta here. What? What?
Get the fuck outta here before I put you in a mayonnaise jar, okay?
Get the fuck outta here, fuckin' cocksucker.
He's gonna cry like a little baby!
You little baby!
Hey, Richie! Hey, Richie!
Oh, Mommy!
Come on.
You gotta realize these aren't the kids you and I grew up with, you know?
Remember in Hebrew school, when a shoving match was a big deal?
Worst-case scenario, somebody got their yarmulke knocked off.
It's true, man. These guys are no joke.
They get all tanked up, throw a quick fist.
Some of them actually enjoy it.
I mean, like, Richie. What the fuck is that, man?
Probably thought I was being tough back there with that guy.
I was shitting my pants.
- I saw that. - Oh, great. Thanks.
These fuckin' Guineas, man.
Half of them do coke. They all drink. Zero capital.
No fuckin' stability. They make all this fucking money...
and they're always living three steps ahead.
You know, there's guys who work at the firm that make a million a year...
and they can't even get a fucking car loan 'cause their credit's so bad.
It's like everybody is just waiting for the 15th of the month.
They may have a Porsche, but they don't have ten bucks to put in the gas tank.
- No shit. - It's nigger rich.
What is this guy doin'? Yo!
- All right. Thanks, man. - Don't forget what I said about Abby.
I think she's trouble, you know?
I don't even know what you're talking about.
I don't know. I've just worked there a long time.
Just looking out for my friends.
I think she's a whore. Just telling you.
Well, it's a good thing you stopped dating her, then, right?
- I'll see you later. - All right. See you.